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Southern born, Southern reared. It's a quirky place and we are unique folk... These are my people and these are my stories.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Friday's Southern-style Faith (Our Story Continues)

A glimpse into our world. Into what happened that night.
 
It began with a simple phone call. Just before bedtime. A friend. A good friend, calling to tell me that Jo (who I will now refer to only as J), had a Facebook page I wasn't aware of.

"Under what name?" I asked.

She told me ... it was an oddity made out of her given name combined with her father's last name.

Her bio-dad, he was often called because she insisted that it be that way, that he be called by his given name. She insisted that my husband was her "Daddy" because he took the role seriously and always had. "It takes more than sperm to make a daddy," she told me once. I nearly wrecked the car. I wasn't aware she knew what sperm was (and then I remembered the paper I had to sign for the 5th grade class given just to the girls).

We didn't have to do it, you see. We didn't have to fight so hard for permanent guardianship. Didn't have to play the role of Mom and Dad. There was no blood relationship. But we loved this little girl. And she loved us, so openly. So fervently.

We had been given "permanent guardianship" so legally her last name had not changed (she insisted that, at eighteen, she would legally change her name). A few days after the ink had dried on the paperwork, I received a call from her fourth grade teacher telling me J was now writing our last name as her own on her paperwork. I asked the teacher how she planned to handle it. She said, "I don't plan to handle it at all. In her heart, she's an Everson. She's smart enough to know that legally she isn't, but believe me, Mrs. Everson, in her heart and soul, she is evermore your child."

So, now, I'm hearing that her Facebook holds her biological name. I'm fine with her calling herself whatever she wants, but I have always wanted her to be honest about her feelings.

I checked the name, but I couldn't find it. So, I went into another Facebook name I use occasionally and ... voila ... there it was. I checked her friends. One was a female friend of her bio-dad. Another was her friend ("T's") mother, who I will call "S."

S and I had had a recent discussion about the fact that she had listed "J" as her "daughter" on Facebook, changing J's last name to her last name. I found that completely odd. I couldn't imagine doing something like that. I mean, what if I had listed T as my daughter, writing her name as T Everson? She acted put off that I would ask her to remove the listing. At first, she refused, but eventually she complied.

I clicked out of Facebook and went into J's room to discuss the situation with her. Above everything ... I wanted to talk about the deceit. In our home, this was unacceptable ...

I had no idea the danger I was putting myself in with that one tap on her door ... and that one question, "Can we talk for a minute?" I had no idea the Devil's Workshop I was about to walk in to. Because I was naive, you see. I didn't yet know about what mental illness could do to the most adorable of little girls upon their arrival at puberty's gate. I didn't yet know how it could destroy a family ... and the lives of those therein.

13 comments:

  1. Continuing to pray for you all daily!

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  2. Praying for you, Eva Marie...and your family.

    Having experienced the ravages of mental illness in our extended family, we join with you in the heartbreak of rejection and loss.

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  3. Eva,

    I can hear your heart on the page. When you write about this, your words are real and raw and powerful. I continue to lift your family, you, and J up to heaven's ears. I know God hears the fervent prayers. Standing strong with you.

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  4. I'll put you, J, and your family in my prayers. Blessings and a hug.

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  5. I went back and read the last couple months of Friday posts. Our beautiful 21-year-old daughter has been diagnosed, labeled really, with several things over the years, and no one is really sure. We are sure of Tourette's, but BD and BPD are iffy. It's all so intertwined. She is doing so much better after years of fear and extremely bad choices. I don't think I know a stronger person for what she's pulled herself out of, with God. You are in our prayers. It hurts. There's not much else to say.

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    1. You're right when you say it's intertwined. Totally correct there. I don't think we usually see one without another tagging along for the ride.

      You are in my prayers, too. Yes, it hurts. I never knew how much until it was in my own home. My own life.

      Eva

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  6. Oh, Eva Marie, I didn't' know. I'm praying for you and for J, protection from the enemy and peace for your heart. The devil will NOT win, fro Jesus has won th evictor and that's how I'm praying.

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  7. I'm praying Eva Marie. I'm praying for J ... for her survival ... for Jesus to enter her heart. Even WITH a Mental Illness, there is always room for God. We both know He is taking care of her regardless of her frame of mind. I also pray for you. You have become near and dear to my heart ... a beautiful add-on to my life. I want God to bring you happiness, peace and some type of understanding concerning this whole hot mess.
    You are determined to make a difference ... we both are! It is a REAL wake-up call ... both the destuction of mental illness as well as the inadequate government agencies we are forced to deal with.
    In closing ... great job! I am MORE than proud of you ... thrilled God sent me to your table ... and happy as a hog in a mud puddle we are buddies!!!

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  8. There is nothing more startling and, yes, ravaging, than to see the enemy at work in those we love--when we hadn't a clue. I will be praying for you and yours.

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  9. I recently saw the picture of J and me together at ICRS. What a happy little girl she was then. She was so proud of you, bragging that you were "famous!" I hate what illness has done to her. Praying for her healing and protection and for peace and wisdom for you and D-Daddy.

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  10. Praying for all of you Eva! Heartbreak upon heartbreak. I believe He is still working all things together and someday, maybe not for a long time, we will all see why.
    Hang in there! Hugs, Liz

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